Bereavement is something that many UNISON members have lived through while trying to keep working, caring for others, and holding themselves together.
UNISON’s equalities team recently surveyed 25,412 members on their experiences of bereavement and pregnancy loss, in order to contribute to a recent government consultation on potential new workplace rights.
Members’ experiences underline one truth: grief does not fit neatly into policy boxes or five-day limits.
Across the UK, members shared their experiences of about losing parents, partners, children, siblings, friends, and pregnancies often while navigating unclear policies, inconsistent management responses, and financial pressure.
“I didn’t even know I was entitled to anything”
Many members described discovering bereavement leave only by accident, or not at all. Almost a third of respondents were unaware of any bereavement policy in their workplace. Others said policies existed but were vague, inconsistently applied, or dependent on a manager’s discretion at a time when they felt least able to ask.
Several members spoke about returning to work too soon, not because they were ready, but because they didn’t know they had a choice: “One of my jobs didn’t mention anything when my dad died. Had I known my entitlement, I would have stayed off longer. I felt pressured into returning.”
For some members, the absence of clear entitlement meant taking sick leave, annual leave, or going unpaid. This turned grief into a financial worry as well as an emotional one.
“Five days is not enough”
Members were clear: current bereavement leave is inadequate. Most respondents supported at least two to four weeks of paid bereavement leave, particularly for close relationships or traumatic loss. Many stressed that grief does not end with the funeral, especially when funerals are delayed, inquests take months, or practical responsibilities pile up.
One member who lost their mother described being allowed two weeks’ leave, only to then spend months on sick leave and annual leave before feeling mentally ready to return: “It would have helped to have longer bereavement leave. My mum’s funeral was six weeks after her death.”
Others described being expected back at work the day after a funeral, or having bereavement leave end on the funeral date – as if grief could be scheduled and contained.
Pregnancy loss: “A loss is a loss, no matter how it happened”
For members who experienced pregnancy loss, the lack of statutory protection was stark. Overwhelmingly, respondents supported a day-one statutory right to bereavement leave for pregnancy loss before 24 weeks, covering miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, IVF loss, and medical termination.
Members were clear that clinical labels do not determine the depth of grief. “The loss of a miscarriage is as distressing and upsetting as a full-term baby loss.”
Many described returning to work while still physically recovering, emotionally raw, and struggling with stigma or silence. Some worried about privacy, particularly where colleagues were unaware of the pregnancy. Others described feeling ashamed for needing time off at all.
“It depends on the relationship, not the title”
Members consistently rejected narrow definitions of family. While immediate family was widely recognised, many stressed that chosen family, close friends, foster carers, kinship caregivers, and others can be just as significant. Grief, they said, is shaped by connection, not paperwork.
“I don’t like that it’s a set number of days dependent on the title of the person to you. Bereavement should depend on the relationship.”
This reflects the reality of modern families, cultural practices, and caring roles – and the need for policies that trust workers to define who matters in their lives.
Flexibility, trust, and compassion
Members returned to one word repeatedly: flexibility.
Members wanted:
- Choice over when bereavement leave starts
- The ability to take leave in blocks or individual days
- A reasonable window – often up to a year – to use leave as grief unfolds
- Minimal notice requirements, especially immediately after a loss
- Trust-based systems, not intrusive evidence demands…
Many described how being asked for proof, medical details, or explanations added distress at an already painful time. Most favoured simple declarations or evidence only if necessary.
Just as importantly, members highlighted the role of managers. A supportive, trained manager could make an enormous difference; an untrained or insensitive one could deepen harm “Managers should know the policy – not put the onus on the employee to navigate HR while grieving.”
Why this is important
Members were clear that compassionate bereavement leave is not just about kindness, it’s about wellbeing and dignity at work.
When people are forced back too soon, grief doesn’t disappear. It resurfaces as poor mental health, burnout, long-term sickness absence, or people leaving jobs they once loved. When people are supported properly, they are more likely to return to work feeling able, valued, and respected.
UNISON’s national women’s officer Bukky Akinwale said, “UNISON hopes the government will seize this opportunity to deliver a truly compassionate and inclusive bereavement leave system. Our members have been clear: people need paid time, flexibility and trust when they are dealing with loss – whether through the death of a loved one or pregnancy loss.
“We want to see a framework that recognises the reality of modern families, respects the significance of all forms of bereavement, and gives workers the space they need to recover without fear of financial pressure or employers questioning their grief. By ensuring wide eligibility, flexible leave arrangements, and proportionate evidence requirements, the government can create a system that genuinely supports people at some of the most difficult moments in their lives.”
The post ‘Grief is not one size fits all’ appeared first on UNISON National.
Comments are closed.